Necessary Inhibition

I have to put it all behind me, what I've written before. Not interesting at all anymore. Not gonna do it. The form of my blogs ended up choking me...the public forum aspect, the necessary inhibition, eventually doomed the endeavor.

"You are the most ruthless person I've ever met" a "friend" said of me the other day. "Ruthless? You mean reasonable?" I huffed to myself. I realized then (as I have realized before) that I am very different from most of my peers. What I view as analytical, others see as an unrelenting threat.

Speaking of unrelenting, I read a New York Times magazine article today about three men in Colorado Springs who hunted down answers to cold police cases. One man in particular pursued the truth about a man already incarcerated for life. Through his tenacious work, a chilling tale of a serial killer was uncovered.

It was in this article that I learned the word "sisu"...and where I first began to understand something about myself. I just can't let go when the truth is at stake. And neither could the man who solved the case. As it turns out, he is a Finn as am I.

Having never been to Finland (and really being less than a quarter genetically Finn) I would have never guessed what a strong temperamental commonality I have to my ancestors...but there it is.

So what's the solution then? There never was more than one choice. To pen myself in (no pun intended) is to strangle my own creativity.